I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
