i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
