somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
whose parrot is this?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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