am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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