I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We left the knife in your bed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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