i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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