2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize