I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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