Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
