At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
