Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
