I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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