his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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