The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
