we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He shit in the fireplace
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
