apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
