...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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