Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
