a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
