I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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