Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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