OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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