Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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