he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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