come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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