thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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