Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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