Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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