Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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