would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
