we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize