The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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