Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Pooping to opera.
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