Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
