youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
