Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
