saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
