I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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