I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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