like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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