Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
