Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
