Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
