You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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