she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to make out with him forever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
