my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
