Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sext me about skeletons
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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