Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
