I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
