Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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