dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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