I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
