Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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