What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
