I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
