Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
