Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
