Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
