STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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