She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
