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eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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