wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
