he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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