Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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