i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
