Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just puked most of my soul out..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
