hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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