I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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