I love black thongs
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
