Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I could fuck to npr.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
