I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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