My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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