last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
