just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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