i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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