I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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